There’s a troubling shift at the core of British culture, as longstanding traditions are being upended by a new, baffling behaviour. Across the country, in the very places where we once prided ourselves on maintaining a cherished sense of order and camaraderie, a curious and disruptive trend has emerged. Yes, you’ve read it correctly – people have started queueing in pubs.
To clarify, this isn’t just any form of queueing. We’re talking about individuals lining up in single file, perpendicular to the bar, rather than standing along its length as has been the tradition. This new formation creates a snaking line of patrons, often obstructing the flow of the establishment. It’s a sight more akin to a bank or theme park than a pub. The phenomenon has been captured and critiqued extensively by the Twitter account @QueuesPub, which advocates for a return to the time-honoured practice of crowding around the bar and subtly vying for the bartender’s attention.
Although the exact origins of this trend remain unclear, it appears to have begun around 2015. At first, it was mainly observed in student bars, leading many to assume it was simply a case of younger patrons not fully grasping traditional pub etiquette. However, the behaviour gradually spread to more traditional pubs, with older patrons also adopting the habit. Now, it seems to have become the norm, to the point where some establishments have resorted to putting up signs asking customers to revert to the previous system.
The British have long been associated with a love of queueing – it’s one of those charming stereotypes that many of us still embrace. From bank queues to amusement park lines and even the solemn, monumental queue that formed following the Queen’s passing, it’s something we’ve taken pride in. But there is a time and place for everything, and queueing at the bar, frankly, defies common sense.
Pubs operate on a horizontal axis – the bar itself runs along an X-axis. So, why queue along the Y-axis? It’s a practice that seems, on the surface, to be an attempt at politeness, but in reality, it ends up causing more inconvenience than it solves. It’s akin to indecision over where to eat or what to watch on Netflix, except in this case, you’re contending with tipsy, impatient patrons rather than a remote control.
The correct method for getting a drink in a pub is simple: position yourself as close to the bar as you can without pushing in front of anyone. Then, wait for an opening, cash or card at the ready. Make eye contact with the bartender, willing them to notice you, and accept that, if they serve someone else first, that’s just the way of the world. Patience is key, but so is persistence.
As summer rolls on – prime pub-going season – many of us will be spending more time at the bar than we will with our own families. With pint prices climbing to as much as £8.75 for a Carlsberg, the least we can expect is an efficient, enjoyable experience, not one that feels like waiting in line for a new iPhone.
So, if you find yourself in a pub and notice a queue forming, take the initiative. Walk confidently past it and sidle up to the bar as nature intended. You may receive a few odd looks, but the bartender will silently thank you for easing the chaos, and you might just inspire others to follow suit.
This madness of queueing in pubs cannot continue. It’s time to restore order and put an end to this absurd trend. Say no to chaos – and say no to queues at the bar. The power to change things lies in your hands.
